My male friend-with-benefits and I disagreed how many bois it takes for gay group sex to go down. He said three. I called that a threesome. I said four because three ain’t no group. It’s more like a clique, or a pairing. The verdict’s still out. But I still stand by my rule of thumb - if the number of naked men with hard erections exceeds the interior space of a Kia mini van, it’s group sex. Hey, I’m stubborn.

But so’s Lance Bass of Nsync. I knew he was gay the first time I saw him skipping and dancing in a MTV video with Justin Timberlake (I don’t care if JT is pounding Cameron Diaz. My gaydar is on and he’s going down.). I’m happy for Lance, but I wish it “coulda been me” instead of some gay reality tv series nut…Do I have to audition for the Amazing Race to get Lance’s attention?

Back to threesomes. This week HisFirstGaySex brings you Sean Wade. This guy is intriguing. He’s got cool sideburns, the kind you see on men who work in straight hair salons. In fact, I daresay he’s a tad on the punk side, and I like it. He’s wearing bangles, necklaces, wrist bands, ear rings, and has a super cool tattoo on his left pec chest. He’s also a damn fine cocksucker and a nice piece of bottom ass (I started out thinking he was a top or at least versatile but NO WAY - the bois all bottom, and who’s complaining!!!). He gets his rockabilly rump strummed by two handsome gay studs who appear to take LOTS of pleasure trading spaces on his anus and giving club boi deep satisfying meat enemas. I really like Sean Wade - his hip, rocker personna is welcome relief to the scores of personality-less Twinks I’ve been jerking off to this summer.

I read on Yahoo today that us queers in Provincetown, MA, were picking on resident breeders. The bullying was causing friction. The mayor is calling a town meeting to resolve the gender “crisis.” Fuck that. Everybody seems to be freaking out about same-sex issues. Im bored. It’s about time I can tongue my partner in a restaurant, kiss his neck at a street corner, put my hand down the back of his jeans in a convenience store. Yeah, feels good. I’d tell that mayor, “Hey, don’t condemn gay sex until you’ve seen a few quality good GAY HARDCORE PORN MOVIES.” I’d wager, too, that after a few Colt Men he’d lock his windbag of a wife in the cellar and fuck his hot blonde male intern on his important desk.

Enough politics. Too devisive. How about straight guys? Cool. Because I have a crush. Not a teenage one. But a major adult crush. He’s a waiter at a Irish bistro down the street. He looks 24 years old, fit, great build, brown hair, puppy dog eyes (like Colin Farrell…he’s got an open invite to let me suck his horse dick. ), and a manly bulge. It’s funny. The guy hugs the girl waitresses and flirts with lunching businesswomen. But in the kitchen (I can see it from a table I reserve just for this purpose) he’s different. He’s flexing, being boisterous, tucking and untucking his starched dress shirt, arm wrestling, and giving bear hugs. And all of this HE does to men. I want to say, “Hey you men, hotels on me. I’ve stocked it with GAY VIDS. Bring condoms. There’s going to be some serious ass fucking!” I was on to his straight boi charade. I hit on him when he re-filled my water. I said, “You’ve got strong forearms, and I like your chin and shoulders. I bet you have a large cock. Is it cut or uncut? Do you wax your balls?” He was confused, but only for seconds. He recovered, looked deep in my eyes, and wrote his number on a pack of matches. Naturally, we’ve been anal fucking for months.

Memories of my waiter boi were sparked anew by this week’s new HisFirstGaySex episode featuring Chris. Not that my straight hunk looked like Chris. No. The commonality here is that Chris entered straight and left gay as gay gets. Believe me, you’re not “experimenting when you take a two cocks up the ass and relish it. Further proof - He got blown, and, unlike other straight guys who pull out before they cum so they can rub out and say “Hey, I didn’t cum in his mouth, so Im not gay,” he deepthroated the gay stud, pinching his nose as he unloaded a thick white creamy load (The enthusiasm of the straight bois in HisFirstGaySexmake me hard in seconds) Yup, Chris, you’re no longer that curious straight boi lost in the park seeking a chick. You’re a full-fledged homo and you dug it. Welcome to the club. Gay sex really is MORE fullfilling.