I got stood up last night. Yeah, me. Can u believe it? Im still recovering. The irratating part was the man was handsome. Brainless, but handsome, but, hey, Im not looking to have gay anal sex with Plato, right?!?! Right. Thus the rub. I spent two hours before our date taking in a healthy heaping of gay porn movies. I started with some classic gay bareback movies, transitioned to a gay college jock screwfest, detoured through some Colt Studio macho man scenes, and wound down with a fired up coupling between a street latino thug and a gay black dude with a freak cock (seriously, the latino boi had to have had black cock knocking on his vocal chords).

I invested time in this date, ok? In addition to the gay videos, I was anal about personal hygiene. I gave myself a hot salt water enema. I trimmed my chest and pubic hair with a #2 steel blade on my Norelco. I shaved my ballsack with the Personal Shaver I purchased thru mail order just last week (more on this later, i promise). I bleached and powdered my anus. I oiled my cock with vanilla oil, letting the oil drip to my balls, whereupon i massaged the oil into the skin of my hairless sack. Body parts done, I strategically added Polo cologne, slipped into my thin cotton rugby underwear, buttoned up my black silk Armani shirt, zipped up my Calvin Klein Jeans, and prepared myself for a triumphant bar entry.

But alas, as I said. He was a no-show. I’m over it. Took me about 30 mins and, bless my good fortune, the latest episode from HisFirstGaySex. The straight guy this week is Travors, and he’s a good catch. The little straight hybrid home boi has no idea that in the next 10 minutes he’s going to get knocked up in a hardcore gay threesome. Total sausage party. The two gay hunks that break Travor’s anal cherry are packing serious meat. Im talking Hulk-like gay cocks. No average peters today, Trav baby! Can you guys figure it out from here? I mean, really, it’s quite obvious poor Travors is in for more than he bargained. But I will say this - for a straight dude, he seemed to have sucked cock before. I’m not a critic, but I am a manwhore, and shit like this, yeah, I notice. Regardless, I was proud Travors at least took the plunge and swallowed…

The Fourth of July. Let’s celebrate it with some gay porn, OK? Not ur run of the mill stuff. But gay action that makes us want to blow our horns and thank the Founding Fathers for the First Ammendment! Regardless if some right wing Republican closet fag is trying to ban us.

But I rant…This week is a time to mull our liberties. A time to ask ourselves, “Do I really want the government to raid my ISP under authorization of the Patriot Act?” Hell NO, and to this, I have BUTT one thing to say: “GLORYHOLES!”

That’s right, GLORYHOLES! Let’s bring back anonymous gay sex this FOURTH. The kind of risky but EXCITING stranger hook ups that happen in truckstops, park bathrooms, college libraries, bars, and other fine renowned places of cruise. Why am I beating this phrase like a dead horse? Because It’s the premise of an episode of HisFirstGaySex.

It’s quite simple (and this is why’ it’s good). Edward, a straight dude with a buzzed head, goes to a men’s store, occupies a dressing room, is preparing to try on a pair of designer jeans when he stumbles upon panting “hole.” Curious, and moved by a sudden pang to blow a nut, he inserts his flaccid penis, becomes erect, and, in an orgasm that nearly brings down the house, shoots his cannon.

Our accomodating stranger whispers/begs Edward to rifle his bum. Edward plys his tool erect, all the time saying, “I can’t believe gay sex feels so GREAT and this person is so kind as to let me ride his ass in public,” then plunders away. The result is another cum explosion, and thank Christ for that, becuse the sex gets so loud that the men’s changing room attendant drifts by, and snickers, “Sir, are you masturbating? I ask you to refrain as I have a shop boi who will suck your pecker free of charge.” To which, Edward replies,”This is not a problem, Sir. If your shop boi has a berry as tight as a fist, I do believe I just buggered him.”